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i will rise @ 12:19 PM

"I Will Rise"
by Chris Tomlin




It's been an emotional week to say the least. And well this song was the song that i listened to immediately after all had happened, and it just really comforted me. I knew that however deep i had sunk, however badly i've fallen, that God's always there. And that when He calls my name, I will rise.

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hello love @ 6:02 PM

Of faith, hope, and love, Love is the greatest of them all. And i'm sure many would agree with me, especially those who find themselves at a common period in our life's journey, that we all want to experience and savour for ourself the beauty that is love. Love can take many forms, be it a parent's love toward their children, the greatest one there ever is, God's unconditional love for each and everyone of us, or say between 2 indiviguals. And i must say that since the begginning of this year till now, i have learnt alot about what it means to love and be loved.

Love between 2 individuals, commonly defined as a relationship (haha). What does being in a relationship entail? Does it mean giving the other individual all of the time and attention that you have? Does it mean that your whole life becomes centered around the other person? I guess why many relationships never seem to work out, i believe is because we all are in it for what we can get from the other person. In other words, what can I get from the other person? What's in it for me? Yet i have realised, that being in a relationship, loving a person, is really what you can offer to the other. Well of course that being said it doesn't mean that we're always expected to give. There has to exist a very healthy balance of giving AND taking, but i somehow feel that the emphasis for both indiviguals should be on what they can give to the other person, to build the person up, to edify him or her. Then again you might say, if we both give, we have to take too right? Yes that's true, but the taking should come as a RESULT of the giving! I guess many problems arise when one party seems to be taking more than the other who is constantly giving, yes by nature one party might be the one who naturally gives more, but i kinda feel that in the end, things just won't work out. Im not saying that it can't, but definitely from what i can see a majority of such relationships don't work out.

I have made it a point, to never enter into a relationship unless i have the intention of marraige in mind. Some may say, "Woah! that's a really bold statement to make!" I remebered sharing this with my classmates sometime last year, and they said, "Huh that means you won't get to experience different relationships and your choices will be so limited!" Yes that's true in a way, but i feel that as much as some of us are more suited for certain types of people, and one of the ways in which we can know what "type" of people suit us, is definitely by meeting new people and dating and all, yet to me what really matters i guess is not whether the person is suited to you or not, but rather a matter of accepting the flaws and the differences that the other party has. Yes definitely compatibility of personalities and all definitely matter to a certain extent, but that should not be the only determinant in whether we can see one as out potential partner!

One final thing that i kind of thought about in a way, is really how we "behave" if i can say, around people of the opposite sex when we are entering into a relationship or are already in one. One thing i have always believed in, is that between 2 parties involved in a relationship, who eventually plan to get married and spend the rest of their lives together, one of the most important thing is the mutual respect and consideration that one party offers to the other. And by respect i mean it both in words and actions! And i guess this extends beyond the 2 involved in the relationship. Especially in the church setting, where for me at least i spend most of my time. When your in an environment when you're not accountable to anyone, whatever you say or do goes. But in the church setting, i guess i have always reminded myself never to give the wrong impression to anyone. Especially, when you're in a relationship or considering entering onto one, should the other party see you talking to say other girls, smiling and joking and all, hmmms i guess it doesn't make the other party feel very comfortable. And please don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that we should not have friends of the opposite sex, in fact it's essential that we have friends of the opposite sex besides your boyfriend or girlfriend! But there has to exist a certain level of intimacy and closeness that you ONLY extend to the other party, not to every friend of the oppostie sex that you have! And i really feel that till you're ready to do that, ready to really devote your heart to one single person, you shouldn't be considering entering into a relationship of any sort.

Well i could go on talking more about this, but alas dinner is calling out to me, and i gotta head back to camp soon. ha to be continued!
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so whats life been like? @ 10:55 PM

Been awhile since i blogged about what's been happening in life so far. About 3 weeks ago, went over to Signals Institute over at Stagmont camp at CCK. Well i'll consider myself lucky in a way that i'll spend the rest of my 21 months meaningfully, at least i get to learn things that i probably wont be able to otherwise have the chance to, and being PES C i consider myself lucky to be one of the few that get posted to a combat vocation, instead of the rest of my peers that get otherwise rather mundane and dry vocations. Tough it definitely will be, but well it's an experience i guess, a rather unforgettable one from the way things have been going haha.

As for Uni applications, was rather surprised that i got accepted into NUS FASS rather early, earlier than the rest of my friends. But ohwells went over for the SMU interview for Soc Sci, and somehow in the end i think that if i do get accepted into SMU that i'll end up accepting their offer instead of NUS. Think somehow that SMU has a more vibrant and lively culture, and the degree's more broad based, haha plus it's so much nearer. But then again who knows, have till June to accept the offers anyway.

But in spite of all that's been happening (not much really haha), somehow i feel that while these 2 years might pass really slow and all, yet i feel that it's in this time of seperation from the comforts of home, from the familiarity of friends and family, and even the routines that i'm so used to, is really a time that i can set apart and really walk closer and more intimately with Christ. Guess what i've realised especially in the past 3 weeks and all, is that each and every day i need to set aside time and spend it reading the Word, speaking to God in my own way. Not gonna lie and say that i've been doing my devotions regularly, sometimes there's just things to do in camp, yet there are other times when i'm just plain lazy, or stinking tired. But i don't know, guess we're in a fight not physical, a war, but not with this world. Been reading a book entitled "Wrestling With God", and the caption below the title really captured my attention. How can i love a God i'm not sure i can trust? And it's been speaking to me in many ways, answering many of the questions that believers like myself, and non-believers alike, have. And i've just been thinking to myself, how much i really want to go to heaven now. But then again i guess i realise that God would've taken me away of He had wanted to. I know that I'm not done with this life on earth, there's still a long way more to go. It's not gonna be easy, and i know that i'm gonna struggle and feel discouraged many a times. Yet i know that i serve a God that ultimately will see me through. What i know can never match up to what He knows, all i can do is to hold on and keep the faith.



"Eli Eli, Lame Sabachthani..."
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its the little things in life that make it beautiful @ 5:30 PM


Sometimes, it's the little things in life, the scenes in life that we oh so often take for granted that reminds me that life, while harsh and full of turmoils, can at the same time posses such beauty, one that can only have come from a Savior who loved. Many people ask, why do you believe in the God that you believe in? What evidence can you present me, that i might believe in Him? But see some things in life have to be experienced. There's only so much a finite mind can do to describe an infinite God. There's a limitation to my understanding, yet i serve a God that transcends understanding. There's only so much i know about my future, but my God knows His plan for me through and through. There's only that certain extent that people think they know me, yet my Savior, my Heavenly Father knows each and every thought that runs through my mind, even before i know. There's only so much love i can demonstrate, but i know i never will, never will, ever compare to that which He has shown me.


"Dear heavenly Father, I pray that as broken as I am, as undeserving as I might be, that you would still extend your grace upon me, and use me as you will. I'm tired of living life my way, tired of praising You only when things seem to be going well. Lord i pray that you would take control, the Lord i praise you when I'm winning, but when I'm losing, that I PRAISE YOU STILL."
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When the cold wind blows @ 2:14 PM

" In the early morning sun,
With a field pack on my back.
With an aching in my heart,
And my back is full of sweat.

I'm a long long way from home,
And i miss my lover so.
In the early morning sun,
When the cold wind blows.

When the cold wind blows,
When the cold wind blows,
When the cold wind blows,
When the cold wind blows.

I know, i know,
You have to go,
So hurry back home,
Cause i miss you so. "
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love @ 10:00 PM



" Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. "
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

" Love does not fail.."
1 Corinthians 13:8

" But now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is LOVE."
1 Corinthians 13:13


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off the island! @ 7:55 PM

the recruit has been promoted to a private! not that its something very great ha but still it means that im off tekong island, hopefully never having to return back there haha. ohwells BMT has passed by real quickly, and though i went in with the mentality that it probably was just a waste of time and i'll learn nothing, but contrary to that i must say that i have walked away with experiences that i'll carry through my life. the one thing i remember especially i think it was sargeant joseph saying, during our field camp, that when we go through tough times in life , in his exact words that we've "been through worse shit than this". its only when you sink real deep, placed in the most miserable conditions that you can think of, that i guess you really treasure the things that you have around you. its one thing to know that you should treasure the things you have around you, but to actually go through an experience and learn from there that you SHOULD never take the things around you for granted, thats another thing altogether.

As results on friday, just a random note first the 2 smartest 19 year olds on the island are from Ulysses Company! one of them's even my bunk mate, a.k.a "teacher". 9 As or something. ohwells, haha some people are just smarter than others (me) haha. i didnt do that badly, A for math (hoho surprising i must say) Bs for the rest. hmms i must admit i'd expected to do better, but on retrospect i realised that compared to the rest of my friends around me, i didn't really put in the hard work deserving of good grades, so yeah i guess im grateful with the amount of work that i put in i got those grades. hopefully it'll be sufficient to secure me a place at FASS at NUS or at social sciences at SMU.
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my future decided @ 11:47 PM

rumor has it A results are coming out this coming friday. well no better time in my opinion, i get a really long weekend before my block leave and passing out from BMTC 2 a.k.a pulau tekong. then again in the blink of an eye, almost 6 weeks have flown by, and i'm about to pass out in about 10 days time. and wells, i guess the decision as to which U to apply to will come immediately after the release of the results, i can't say that i;m not worried or anxious about my results, who wouldn't be? but ohwells, whats done has already been done, and retaking's out of the question. decided it'll come down to psychology at NUS, or the social sciences degree at SMU, of course pending my results. can't really imagine myself studying anything else, so yeah, we'll see.

and i thought about this whilst i was soaking wet staying in a forest on tekong island filled with mud, smelling just absolutely fabulous, there was this banner that hangs on the entrance as you enter tekong. says something like "its not what you'll leave in the days behind, it's what you'll gain in the days ahead." back then it totally did not make any sense to me at all, why on earth would i leave the comforts of home, family and friends. but as i was out there in the field, thinking about what the whole experience of BMT and army life has been so far, somehow i felt a feeling of nostalgia. if the army has taught me anything, it'll be that we should always treasure the people we have around us, the comforts of our home. always count your blessings, somehow we dont know how to appreciate them till they're taken away from us.



" don't know what the future's gonna be like, and to tell you the truth i really am afraid that this might not turn out the way we want it too. i'm still learning more day by day, and i know that many a times i've neglected your feelings, maybe hurt you even. but then again thank you for accepting me for who i am. thank you."
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- @ 1:47 AM

" i've always thought of myself as being a strong person, one that can quickly adapt to environments and situations. one that was always cheerful, contented with what he had, with the blessed life that he had. not that any of that's changed, but somehow something in me's changed. can't pinpoint what it is, but somehow i just know.

but today i finally figured it out. it has just been really spiritually draining being in a totally new environment, one that isn't all that friendly. not that i'm giving myself any excuse whatsoever, but ohwells, life has to go on. yes we've all heard bout faith and what just a little measure of it can do, yeah that was the theory, now's the time for the practical."

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Army days @ 11:18 PM

Out from the island i have had to call home for the past 2 weeks, and for the coming 4. well ha got quite a bit of culture shock when i enlisted i must say, not so much from the physical surroundings or from the regimentation, nor from sharing a room with 12 others haha. but i guess it was more of the people i met in there, ha sort of like you never ever knew these kind of people existed. and definitely it showed me a whole new perspective, or should i say side of society that i thought existed in the past. well the first 2 weeks, the "adjustment period" have been rather slack and relaxed, adding onto the fact that i'm undergoing PES C modified BMT, ha just makes things more relaxed. compared to our neighbour companies PES A/B companies, ha just thankful i dont have to do the things they do. but then again things might change once we book in again, 1915 tomorrow evening at pasir ris bus interchange en route to pulau tekong.

then again not everythings gloom and loom in pulau tekong, for starters my company has probably the best location on the island! nearest to the ferry terminal and real close to the cookhouse, plus we have a cool seaside view! smokers say we have the best smoking place on the island. the sunrise and sunset's always beautiful, sadly no cameras are allowed or i'll definitely snap some shots. it's real windy at night and in the morning too! which makes sleeping at night ultra comfortable, apart from the fans which spin twice as fast as any other fan ha. and of course army life is never dull with all the different kinds of people you have in there, the very different life experiences that they go through, and hmms somehow it makes me appreciate more so the family and friends that i have, the environment i was brought up in and stuff.

well 2 weeks have passed 4 more weeks to go, and soon i'll be out of tekong!
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